5 Years Later
Until the age of 25, everything remained the same. I watched over my child, watched all the available soap operas and barely left the house. I had ceased contact with almost all my friends and family, and basically gave up on a social life. Happily, the neighbourhood was full of little children, so my son didn’t suffer because of it – he always had the company of children his age which he enjoyed. My companions were: chips, crisps, chocolates with almonds and raisins, as well as the TV set which I watched at least 12 hours per day (probably to make up for the fact that I did not have a single relationship for 5 whole years). And the worst thing was that I thought that this was all perfectly fine – I was a good mother who didn’t work because she needed to take care of her son, and didn’t see other people because they were boring. The truth was of course, a little different regarding the job. At least the LOML was correct enough to always send money for me and our son to get by.
First Attempts at Losing Weight
And then, one summer day, something happened that forced me to re-evaluate myself. I firmly refused, but when he asked again tomorrow, and then again the following day, I realised that he would not be giving up quickly. I stepped in front of the mirror for the first time in a long time (the big mirror, not the little one in the bathroom that every day greeted me with an image I did not want to see). I stood in front of the mirror and recoiled in horror – I looked like a fat opera singer where everything was pouring out and ready to burst! However, there was nothing to do but accept the current situation and start with the problem solving. The first problem was clothing – I needed many more metres of fabric than I would have liked to make a summer dress, which ended up making me look more like a clown). The first visit to the swimming pool was a harrowing experience. I spent the day like a fat person caricature, sweating in the shade, draped in my new dress and attempting to cool myself with a hand-held fan. Upon returning home, I realised that I had to do something. First of all, face my biggest enemy – the scale. I bravely stepped on, and… was terrified with what I saw. 112kg! Shock! Horror! As soon as tomorrow I started my own self imposed diet of eating only fruits and vegetables (luckily it was summer) and in 1 month, my weight had dropped to 107kg. Feeling encouraged, I continued with the same regime. Fruits and vegetables throughout the day, a little chicken or fish for dinner, a brisk walk to the swimming pool, and very soon I was feeling much lighter, stronger, more energised and with a different outlook.
Unfortunately, all this progress was shattered with the arrival of Autumn. As soon as the rains started, I was back to the old way of living, and somewhere towards the beginning of the winter my scale was again showing 112kg. To say I was desperate would be an understatement. The desperation turned to anger, and anger into some strange desire for self destruction. I said to myself: You want to be fat? Then be fat! And that was really my decision. I even started actively searching out a fat people’s social club, all with the aim to prove to myself that this was in fact my life choice and my life’s path. Still, I never managed to find that fat social club, for which I am very happy.
To be continued…